Off to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
I made it to Kuala Lumpur today after a cheap flight on Air Asia. Malaysia is the place where Asia meets Middle East. The breeding ground where, Buddha gets to meet Allah. You know, slant eyes meets stinky arm pits. Shark fin soup meets grilled goat curry, oh that’s probably far enough, you get the picture, right?
So anyways, I saw a sexy “scarfy” today. (A “scarfy” is a woman who wears a complete face covering scarf in order to be “obedient” to her Muslim religion). So anyways, it’s hard to believe, I know, but this scarfy with only her eyes visible, was actually hot. The black robe she was wearing looked designer and her vibrant eyes just starred at me. I could tell she was giving me a sexy smile under her veil and her seductive eyes just made me return her stare. Her eyes really resonated with me. “What the scarfy is wrong with me” I thought to myself as I passed her on the street.
Five minutes later after passing hundreds more scarfys I saw a hilarious couple approaching. On the left was a woman dressed in another designer all black robe with matching scarfy headgear. Her only exposed skin was the tiny amount of flesh between her two eyes. Standing to her right was “Mr. GQ” himself, a wannabe playboy style middle eastern guy sporting a polo style shirt with the collar popped up, gaudy Gucci shades, designer shorts and shoes that only a woman should have been wearing. You know the guy must have poured an entire bottle of cheap cologne on himself and his visible chest hair certainly wasn’t helping the stereotype. The couple was absolutely ridiculous. I just couldn’t help it… I actually busted out laughing in the middle of the street. Any culture or religion where the woman is reduced to only an eye slit of skin and the man can dress like Liberace just doesn’t make sense!
I can’t wait to hit the clubs here. Can you imagine the drunk scarfys gone wild scene inside? Allah, please help me stop laughing.
Later in the day as my hunger started to build, I saw a shwarma place called Alibashas that featured huge roasting meat sections spinning on their front steps. As I walked towered the door to sample the shwarma I noticed a man sitting next to the entryway. He had a wet spot on his crotch where water had spilled making it look like he pee’d his pants. Funnier yet was the lit cigarette lighter in his hand he was ever so carefully waving over the wet spot. He must have noticed me starring at his funny wet spot because he quickly moved the lighter away and put his hand over the wetness as though it had already been soaked up by Billy Mae’s amazing TV infomercial shammies.
So far my time here has been interesting, and the food has been good but I likely won’t be staying long. The people here aren’t “my kind” of people if you catch my drift.